Vanilla Twilight by “Owl City”

The stars lean down to kiss you
     And I lie awake and miss you
          Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

‘Cause I’ll doze off safe and soundly
     But I’ll miss your arms around me
          I’d send a postcard to you, dear
               ‘Cause I wish you were here

I’ll watch the night turn light-blue
     But it’s not the same without you
          Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn’t so bad
     ‘Til I look at my hands and feel sad
          ‘Cause the spaces between my fingers
               Are right where yours fit perfectly

I’ll find repose in new ways
     Though I haven’t slept in two days
          ‘Cause cold nostalgia
               Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
     I’ll sit on the front porch all night
          Waist-deep in thought because
               When I think of you I don’t feel so alone

I don’t feel so alone, I don’t feel so alone

As many times as I blink
     I’ll think of you tonight
          I’ll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
     And heavy wings grow lighter
          I’ll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I’ll forget the world that I knew
     But I swear I won’t forget you
          Oh, if my voice could reach
               Back through the past
                    I’d whisper in your ear
                         Oh darling, I wish you were here

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Good Music and What’s Up

Good song!

Update in as few words as possible…
-Finished up the job in Breck my Dad and I had. I love Breck in the winter. It would be amazing to live up there for a month or so someday. 😉

-Interview also done. The drive to Manhattan and back was accomplished in two days. I got up at 5 am that morning to blow dry my hair, actually dress up. It felt great to walk out of the interview, knowing the rest was completely up to God. I should find out in a week or two. The school was also amazing. Talk about crazy cool facilities…

-It is possible to set a shoe on fire. Yes, I accomplished this. Quite fun.

-Talk about coincidences. I saw a girl in Manhattan that I used to work with in Canon. What are the odds of being at the right Chili’s at the right time and place let alone the right city in Kansas…

-I wrote a song!!!!! My first ever. I have the words and the chords to the verses but I am waiting for some uber amazing inspiration for chords to the chorus. Hmmm….

-I leave in a matter of 10 and half days. Where does the time go? And how does one say good-bye to the most amazing friends and family ever for five months…

The Old Man and a Good Song…

I always said to myself that I wrote in my notebooks because I wanted to be able to look back years down the road and see what I was like, what I was thinking, and how I have changed. I dragged out some of my old notebooks last night-about 9 for the past few years. I realize that it is probably closer to finding out how much I actually haven’t changed and that I have the same struggles now that I did three years ago. 🙂 Hopefully I am a little mature now than I was at 17 however.
I do realize the benefit of concluding that I have the same weaknesses. In order to fight, one must know what they fight against. I am a “striver”. I am always striving for the next thing. The next project, the next mission, the next accomplishment. When I was in high-school, I was getting all my ducks in a row for CSU-P. When I got to CSU-P, I was trying to figure it all out to get to CofO. When I didn’t get there, it was all about moving to Pueblo. And, you’ll never guess but when I got to Pueblo it was all about getting back to Canon. He he…I must continue making the daily decision to live life to its fullest in the here and now. This is what He has gifted me with, and I choose to walk in it. While I will continue to prepare for the future, I want it to fade into the background as a small portion of life that He completely has in His hands.

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That’s leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose…you’re everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won’t let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you’re all I want, You’re all I need
You’re everything,everything
You’re all I want your all I need
You’re everything, everything.
You’re all I want you’re all I need.
You’re everything, everything
You’re all I want you’re all I need, you’re everything, everything.

“Everything”
-Lifehouse

A Choice

I actually wrote this post a while back, but I realize one can come to the conclusion I came to and come across the same situation again. It seems that life is a series of decisions we must make daily.

Thinking so much about my kids in Webuye again lately. A question I have had since I went there continues to echo in my brain. Whether it is the kids I fall in love with in Africa or the people I fall in love with here, I realize there is always that fear of losing. It could make life so much easier to merely not let anyone else in and not risk that. But after thinking about it, I realize that a love would not be as strong if there wasn’t a possibility of losing. If I knew it would always be there and I would never lose it, it would not mean half as much.

It is a choice between making yourself numb and feeling the cuts. It is a difference between not running and your lungs feeling nothing or running and letting your lungs scream for oxygen. My mouth feels like it is full of metal, and I feel the muscles in my leg with each stride. But the satisfaction and feeling of being alive that I get after running those 13 miles makes it all worth it.

So I make the choice to feel that pain. In that, I have also made the choice to feel. Which in actuality, I have realized, is a choice to live. And now I feel ready to take the world on. I’m ready for God to take me wherever. I want to meet new people, continue to grow in relationships with the ones I know, and leave the future in His hands.

In Your Presence, God, I’m Completely Satisfied

“Divine Romance” by Phil Wickam

The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life
In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied

Aaron Shust and Watch Over Me

Another Vent

So, I have five minutes to summarize life before I must be off to school. Hmmm, I guess I don’t really feel like saying anything. I’m so frustrated really. Why does life have to be so ridiculously predictable? You know it will happen as it has every other time in the past, but you cross your fingers for once it won’t. Of course it does. This is just a vent. Life is not over and I will work through things, but that’s what is currently in the brain…

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Luv Addict and School Decisions

Dance music? Good dance music? Hmmm….Check out one of my favorite bands. 😉

By the way, “symptomatic” means according to the symptoms. 🙂

My life has been crazy since I’ve gotten back from WA. I thought it would chill once I got back from vacation, but that was far from the case. My mind and heart has been struggling with His will for me in the months after I graduate. Graduating in December will give me an extra semester and summer that I have to choose what I will do with. The dates and requirements for application to different grad schools and vet schools seemed to be mixed up with a lot of my other ideas of things I wanted to do in that spring semester. In any case, after much thinking and praying and worrying and giving worries to God, I have decided to apply to a DTS through YWAM for this January. I will find out if I have been accepted to veterinary schools by mid February or sooner and I can decide from there if I want to continue to pursue international health or veterinary medicine. One day at a time…Until the time when those decisions do come, I am trying to focus on the now and all the blessings and opportunities in front of me.

I’m back…

So, I have re-entered the internet world. I was gone for several days while a friend was in town. We kept fairly busy and I had a great long weekend.

I saw Batman (Which was amazing for two reasons. First, it was at the drive-in which is on my “bucket list”. Second, “The Dark Knight” was straight up a fantabulous movie).

Had a catch up day today. I haven’t caught up on laundry, but I have caught up on replying to e-mails, working on school applications, studying for my GRE, shipping out some book orders, and doing some yard work. I can hardly believe it is already the early evening. Where does the time go?

Woo hoo!!!!! Sugarland’s new CD just came out which I promptly bought on iTunes. Great stuff! They are also coming out to the state fair at the end of August. I just may have to blow a bit of money to go see them. 😉

Psalm 121 and Part of 139

I lift up my eyes to the hills —
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip —
He who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, He who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you —
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm —
He will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forever more.

It seems so easy to forget that God is completely concerned about my life and what is going on in it. He knows the problems and I have and exactly the situations I am in the middle of. I mean, seriously, He never sleeps. He knows all the hairs on my head. His plans for me were in place ages before I was even born. He cares about me so much that the number of thoughts He has about me are numberless…So why do I get worried about things so often? It seems easy and obvious when I think on these things. Thanks, God, for the reminder.


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