Argh!

I am learning so many things about myself lately. It is always really exciting to go through a time when life is stretching, because I know that God is teaching me. It stinks at the time, but there are no bones that are broken that He doesn’t fix and wounds he doesn’t bind (Job 5:18).

Realization one: I crave challenge. I need to fight for something. I am nearly to the end of the challenge of my undergrad, and I think part of my frustration lately is trying to decide what I want to tackle next. I am so afraid of an apathetic life that I get anxious about the next step. Plus, I have an added element to the decision that I have never had to consider before. I am not quite sure how to do that.

Realization two: I close off when I get frustrated. And I’m frustrated. Therefore, I am going into my “I-need-to-do-500-pushups-every-hour-to-get-rid-of-this-energy” mode. I recognize the good of a situation and the blessings, but I don’t really understand how it all works out in the end. I have zero clue what is going on, and as a control freak of my own little bubble of a life 🙂 my brain is going off in a bazillion different directions. I have little to no concept of being quiet and listening to Him and I just spin my wheels to try and make something happen. Ha ha…I can just imagine my Mom saying this about me when we’re having a conversation. 🙂

So, what am I going to do about this? I am going to continue doing what it is I know I am supposed to be doing today. That includes being there for the people He has put into my life right now, studying for biochemistry, continually putting my frustrations and anxiety in His hands, and praising Him for whatever it is He blesses me with.

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