What the heck?!

Learning lots about the craziness of me in the past few weeks. For the first time in my life, I have no clue about anything. I am so used to having my ducks in a row and everything planned out essentially for the next eight years of my life. ๐Ÿ™‚ Due to the fact that God is good enough to rip me out of my comfort zone and confront me with some real life decisions, I realize that I have very little control of my mind. I have no clue what I am going to do starting in January. I don’t know if I will be starting school, working to save for school, doing missions work… And since I don’t know my mind rolls on and on in an attempt to figure it out even though that is impossible. I want to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ and learn to spend mind time with him rather than mulling over the unknowns in life.

I am also realizing that I have never had to make any real adult decision in my life. It has always been default choices it seems. I go school where I am currently at because it was the only place I could afford. ๐Ÿ™‚ I live with my parents because it is the wisest financial decision at this point. I have been in relationships or out of them because they were evidently God glorifying or not. All of a sudden all the decisions in front of me do not seem so cut and dry. There are pros and cons to all of them, and I actually have to decide something. Whoa. God, give me wisdom to make the best decision. Once I make that decision give me to strength to walk in it fully.

A prerequisite to the graduate diploma program (YWAM) I am thinking about is to do a DTS (Discipleship Training School). I am praying about taking time off school to work in the areas I feel He has put on my heart: working with orphans and widows. My constantly going personality has caused me to blow through school in a very small amount of time, and I think the time may have come for me to take a break and serve Him with no school commitments.


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