No Words

I guess I thought once was enough. I didn’t think I could ever do it again. There was nothing left in me that could go through that a second time. Taking my heart and jumping up and down on it a few times–one opf those was good for me. I got over it, and by His strength, I moved on. I swore it would never happen again.
So much for promises. I’m not quite angry though. I appreciate the honesty, despite how much it hurts. Knowing is better than not knowing and finding out later. What hurts is what I thought could have been. I guess that is where my downfall came in. Delving into the realm of what might be. I did it once again and what I now feel to be inevitable happened.
What I hate is the process of getting over it. It perpetuates all areas of life, and I just feel like I can’t stand up under that again. First is being sad and missing it. Then comes anger which I don’t want. I don’t want to be angry. I just want it back…Or maybe I wish it never happened. I don’t know how that can be when this decision was made. Someone else was “better”. That is why it couldn’t work. It all had to be held back, because the feelings for someone else were still there. What a concept. Why am I not ripped apart by that? Why am I only ripped apart by the fact that I will miss the “I miss you”. Why am I only thinking about the fact that in every minute I wasn’t doing something it was on my mind? I thought it went both ways, but I guess that went for someone else. Was I there just to fill the time?

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