Chuckling and Wondering

If you’re from Colorado….

You’ll eat ice cream in the winter.

When the weather report says it’s going to be 65 degrees, you shave your legs and wear a skirt.

It snows 5 inches and you don’t expect school to be cancelled.

You’ll wear flip flops every day of the year, regardless of temperature.

You have no accent at all, but can hear other people’s. And then you make fun of them.

“Humid” is over 25%.

Your sense of direction is: Toward the mountains and Away from the mountains.

You say “the interstate” and everybody knows which one.

You think that May is a totally normal month for a blizzard, and you grew up planning your Halloween costumes around your coat.

You know what the Continental Divide is.

You don’t think Coors beer is that big a deal.

You went to Casa Bonita as a child.

You bought your car from John Elway.

You were tear gassed at college and you can’t even remember why….something about football…

You’ve gone off-roading in a vehicle that was never intended for such activities.

You always know the elevation of where you are.

You know that there are two kinds of Colorado Girls: those who shave, and those who don’t.

You wake up to a beautiful, 80 degree day and you wonder if it’s going to snow tomorrow.

You don’t care that some company renamed it, the Broncos still play at Mile High.

You know that Colfax is a street you would most likely find a hooker.

You get pissed off when people confuse Colorado with Kansas, Nebraska, Wyoming, or “one of those other big square states out west.”

When you hear that the Chiefs and the Raiders are having bad seasons, you laugh uncontrollably.

Every movie theater has military and student discounts.

Everybody wears jeans to church.

You actually know that South Park is a real place not just a show on TV.

You know what a “trust fund hippy” is, and you know its natural habitat is Boulder.

You’ve made naked snow angels.

You know you’re talking to a fellow Coloradoan when they call it Elitches, not Six Flags.

You can never figure out why your out-of-town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.

Your two favorite teams are the Broncos and whoever is beating the crap out of the Raiders.

You’ve been to the original Chipotle near the DU campus on Evans.

When people out East tell you they have mountains in their state too, you just laugh.

You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels “sticky” and you notice the sky is no longer blue.

The high point of my day: being astonished at the claim that homosexuality is a form of altruism. I can’t even elaborate it’s so far fetched. Altruism is defined as an unselfish concern for the welfare of others-a tenet which goes against the theory of natural selection or survival of the fittest that scientists have so far been unable to explain. It was postulated that rather than a homosexual person reproducing-continuing the species-that person would instead sacrifice that aspect of life and devote themselves to taking care of maybe their sister’s kids. It doesn’t even make sense…

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